Notice your own needs
Someone asks for a favor. You learn to check your time, energy, and wishes before offering a yes you will struggle to keep.
YOU COUNT TOO BY TALK2TESSAYou make room
Designed by Tessa, MSc Psychologist
15+ years of experience treating people in mental health care
You make room
for everyone.
Include yourself.
Notice what you need before another automatic yes. Find words for a request or a limit. Know how to support yourself when the guilt shows up afterward.
Get You Count Too - $27$27 USD, one time. Go at your own pace.
A self-paced, psychologist-designed program with in-depth audio guidance, a practical workbook, and a private online library.
Created by Tessa, MSc Psychologist15+ years of clinical experienceACT-informed + self-compassionYour pace. No daily deadline.
WHAT YOU WILL PRACTICEYour needs belong
Your needs belong
in the conversation.
Knowing you need a boundary is one thing. Finding your words when someone is waiting for an answer is another. You Count Too gives you guidance for before you answer, while you speak, and after the conversation ends.
Find words that fit
Ask for help, say what you prefer, or change an earlier yes. Use examples to find a clear sentence that sounds like you.
Know what to do afterward
When you replay the conversation or want to take it all back, check what actually happened and decide whether to keep your answer, clarify it, change it, or repair how you spoke.
WHEN CARING LEAVES YOU OUTYou know what they need.
You know what they need.
But what about you?
You say yes before you check.
“I said yes before I checked what I could actually give.” You notice your limits only after you have agreed.
You explain until it feels allowed.
“I know what I want to say, but I keep writing another explanation.” You hope the right words will make your needs easier to accept.
You doubt yourself afterward.
“I finally asked for something. Now I feel difficult.” You replay the conversation and feel pulled to take it back.
If you grew up being the easy one, feeling unseen, or becoming responsible early, your own needs may still be the last thing you check. For some people, putting others first became a way to protect closeness or avoid conflict. For others, real responsibilities, habit, or limited support leave little room to pause. Understanding your own pattern helps you choose a response that fits your life.
FROM UNDERSTANDING TO EVERYDAY USEA pause.
A pause.
A sentence.
A way back.
A friend asks for another favor. Your week is already full, but “of course” is almost out of your mouth. Here is one way to use the guidance.
An illustrative everyday example. Adapt the words to your relationships, responsibilities, and safety.
TRY A SMALL PART OF THE APPROACH
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Before you answer
Ask: “If I say yes, what will I need to move, give up, or do without?” You notice that helping would mean losing the only evening you have left to rest.
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Give yourself words
“I can’t help this weekend. I need to keep that time free.”
You can be warm and clear. You do not have to offer another favor to make the sentence acceptable.
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When the guilt arrives
Ask: “Did I break an agreement or speak unkindly, or is it uncomfortable that they wanted a different answer?” If you snapped, you can apologize for your tone without offering time you do not have.
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Choose your next step
If there is no agreement or behavior to repair, try leaving your answer in place for now. “This feels unfamiliar. I can care about my friend and still need this evening.”
The full program helps you work through your own situations, including requests for help, someone else’s disappointment, and a yes you need to reconsider.
IS THIS THE RIGHT FIT?For the moments
For the moments
you keep putting yourself last.
You know what everyone else needs
You often consider everyone else first, struggle to name your own needs, or feel guilty after expressing an ordinary preference or boundary.
You have little energy left
Listen to one reflection, choose a situation route, or write one sentence. The library is available from the start. The emails offer guidance without a deadline.
Your circumstances matter
This is prepared educational guidance. It does not provide individual therapy or help manage immediate danger. Your safety, responsibilities, and available support matter.
EXPERIENCE THE GUIDANCEAfter you speak,
After you speak,
the doubt can
get louder.
Hear how the guidance helps you sort through the guilt after expressing a need. Try a small check: is there something to repair, or are you trying to make another person’s disappointment disappear?
Try this small reflection first. The full chapter audios give you more explanation, worked examples, and guided practice.
A MOMENT WITH TESSAYou said no.
You said no.
Now you feel guilty.
Audio preview
Read the audio transcript
You said you couldn't take it on.
At the time, you knew why. Your week was full. You already had another commitment. You didn't have more to give.
But now you're thinking about their reply. Perhaps it was shorter than usual. You wonder whether to send another message, explain more, or offer to do it after all.
This is a moment I want to make room for in You Count Too. Speaking up is one part. Knowing what to do with the doubt afterward is another.
My starting point isn't to tell you that your answer was definitely right. It's to help you look at what happened without putting your whole character on trial.
Try this question: what did I actually say or do?
You might know that you declined a request. You might know they were disappointed. You may not know that they think you're selfish. Those are different pieces of information.
Then ask: is there something specific I want to repair?
If you snapped, you might say, I'm sorry for how I spoke. I could have said that more kindly. I still can't take on the extra task.
The apology addresses how you spoke. It doesn't have to turn into a promise you can't keep.
And if you were respectful, kept your agreements, and haven't learned anything new that changes the decision, sending another message may not be necessary tonight.
The guilt can still be there. You don't have to argue it away. Try a plain sentence for yourself: this feels difficult, and I can take a moment before I act.
For now, choose one thing. Keep the answer, clarify a detail, adjust it with new information, or repair something specific. If nothing needs doing tonight, leave the message unsent and return to your evening.
There's another part we can work on too: what happens before that automatic yes, or before your own needs become hard to hear. A pause, a check of what you can give, and words you've had time to choose can give you a different place to begin.
That's the practice I want this experience to offer: something you can use in the conversation, and something to return to afterward.
UNDERSTANDING + PRACTICE + SELF-COMPASSIONYou do not have to
You do not have to
become less caring.
You can learn to notice when your care stops leaving room for you. Then practice a different response, with support for what comes before and after the conversation.
“What do I need here, before I decide what I can give?”
A question you can return to, even when your answer is not clear yet.
YOUR DIGITAL REFLECTION WORKBOOKMake it practical.
Make it practical.
Make it yours.
Use the workbook alongside the guidance to explore a real situation: what you need, what makes it hard to speak, and one response you want to try. Read it on your device and reflect in your own notes, or annotate the PDF with a compatible app. There is no need to print it or complete every page.
SOMETHING SMALL TO RETURN TOKeep a little support
Keep a little support
within reach.
Save the six moment cards to your phone. Return to a question or an example sentence when you need time to answer, want to ask for help, or feel the urge to take back a thoughtful limit.
One card is enough for a low-energy day. Use the words as a starting point and adapt them to your circumstances.
A CLEAR WAY INTO THE LIBRARYStart with
Start with
your situation.
You said yes and now regret it. You need help but cannot find a way to ask. You said no and keep checking your phone. Open the route that matches your moment, with questions, example sentences, and a next step together in one place.
- Before you answer: check what you need and what you can give.
- When you speak: find words and prepare for pushback.
- Afterward: work through guilt without automatically taking it back.
THE GUIDED ROUTEDepth you can
Depth you can
take at your own pace.
Seven chapters connect understanding with reflection, self-compassion, and one practical step. Find each audio’s length in the library and listen in sections if you prefer. Read, listen, pause, or return.
01 Why being easy can become a habit
Understand what adapting has helped you avoid, and what it costs you now.
02 What you need before you answer
Separate needs, preferences, capacity, and responsibilities.
03 A pause can be your first boundary
Give yourself time to find your answer.
04 Words that include you
Practice requests, limits, and changes to an earlier yes.
05 When their reaction feels like your responsibility
Hear another person without immediately changing your answer.
06 Meeting the guilt afterward
Choose whether to keep, clarify, adjust, or repair.
07 Let care reach you
Ask for practical support and practice receiving it.
CREATED BY TESSA, MSC PSYCHOLOGISTCare for others.
Care for others.
A place for you.
I’m Tessa, an MSc Psychologist with over 15 years of experience treating people in mental health care, from general practice and specialized psychiatric care to independent psychology practice.
In my work, I have seen that understanding a pattern does not always give you the words you need in a difficult moment. I created You Count Too to bring those parts together: understanding yourself, practicing a response, and caring for yourself afterward.
The guidance draws on ACT and self-compassion, with safety, pacing, and choice at its heart. My academic background is in Health & Social Psychology and Psychology & Neuroscience at Maastricht University.
I’ve also learned to listen more closely to my own needs. As a mother of two, I know that useful support needs to fit into a full day.
More about my background and approach
YOUR NEXT STEP / YOU COUNT TOOSupport for the moment.
Support for the moment.
Skills to return to.
$27
One-time price: $27 USD. This private preview has no live checkout.
- Seven chapters: understand your pattern, notice your needs, speak up, and practice receiving care.
- Ten situation routes: find guidance for a difficult moment without working through everything.
- Fourteen in-depth audios: listen with readable transcripts to return to.
- A practical workbook: worked examples, reflection exercises, and your own pause plan and return card.
- Six moment cards + ten guidance emails: short reminders and gentle invitations to use what you learn.
- One private library: chapters, audios, and downloads together, with no daily deadline.
Access and delivery terms will be confirmed before launch.
BEFORE YOU BEGINThoughtful answers.
Thoughtful answers.
A clearer next step.
What will this help me do in everyday life?
You will practice checking your needs before agreeing, asking for time, choosing clear words, and looking at the guilt afterward. You will build your own pause plan, adaptable sentences, and a personal return card, so you have something useful to reach for in a real conversation.
What makes this more than a workbook or a list of boundary scripts?
The guidance supports the whole moment: understanding your pattern, preparing a response, speaking, and meeting what comes afterward. Seven chapters connect in-depth audio reflections with practical worksheets. Ten situation routes help you find a next step without searching through everything.
What if I am too tired to do a whole program?
Begin with one situation card or listen without writing. Each chapter has one small step, with optional deeper reflection. Everything is available from the start. The emails guide you back gently; there are no deadlines, daily assignments, or catch-up tasks.
Can I use this if I do not know what I need?
Yes. You begin with ordinary preferences, capacity, and current situations. You do not have to name every feeling, explain your childhood, or find the right answer before beginning.
Is this suitable if I am neurodivergent or highly sensitive?
You can use written examples instead of speaking aloud, keep your eyes open, skip body-focused prompts, and take additional processing time. The exercises make room for sensory load and changing capacity. You do not need to mask, force eye contact, or respond immediately. Needs vary; this is not a specialized ADHD or autism treatment.
Can I use this while recovering from burnout?
The capacity checks and small requests can help you put words to your limits and ask for practical support alongside your recovery. On low-energy days, use one card and leave the rest. The program does not treat or promise to prevent burnout, and it cannot replace changes to demands, working conditions, or professional care.
Will I stop feeling guilty when I say no?
You do not need to become guilt-free to make a thoughtful choice. You will learn to check the facts, notice whether something needs repair, and respond with self-compassion. Sometimes the next step is keeping a limit; sometimes it is clarifying, adjusting, or apologizing for how you spoke.
Do I have to follow the chapters in order?
No. Start with the moment you recognize, or follow the seven chapters for a deeper understanding. You can pause, repeat, skip, and return. The library keeps the audios, transcripts, and downloads together.
What is included in the $27 purchase?
The planned complete package includes seven chapters, fourteen guided audios, ten situation routes, the reflection workbook, six moment cards, a personal return card, transcripts, and ten gentle guidance emails. This is a private development preview: the full package and checkout are still being completed before launch.
Is this personal therapy or direct support from Tessa?
This is psychologist-designed educational self-help with prepared guidance. It does not include individual assessment, private messaging, or therapy. If speaking up could expose you to threats or retaliation, use appropriate confidential support rather than a communication exercise.
YOU COUNT TOOYou can care about them.
You can care about them.
And count yourself in.
Begin with one moment: an automatic yes, a request you keep postponing, or the doubt after speaking up. Find guidance for understanding what you need, choosing your words, and caring for yourself afterward.
Get You Count Too - $27$27 USD, one time. Go at your own pace.