Have you ever felt like you were drifting — busy, productive, even successful on the surface, yet unsettled inside? Maybe you check off tasks and keep commitments but still wonder: “Am I living the life I really want?”
In Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), values are your compass: not goals to finish, but qualities of living that give direction, even when life is stormy. Combined with self-compassion and the structured support of AI Prompt Flows, values become more than abstract ideas. They become daily anchors that help you move toward what truly matters.
In this comprehensive guide you’ll learn what values are (and aren’t), how ACT & self-compassion help you live by them, and how AI can gently support you. You’ll find science, myths, a practical offline exercise, a quick prompt, a mini flow, an example dialogue, values-based micro-practices, a reflective checklist, research links, FAQs, and next steps.
Why Living by Your Values Matters (and How It Impacts Wellbeing)
Modern life is noisy. Notifications, deadlines, family responsibilities, and social pressure compete for attention. In that constant hum, the quiet voice of your values can be drowned out. Without connection to values:
- You may achieve goals but feel empty afterward.
- You may please others yet lose sight of your own needs.
- You may stay busy but still feel disconnected from purpose.
Case Example: Daniel’s Re-alignment
Daniel, 42, worked in finance. His days were full of meetings and late nights. Outwardly, he was thriving. Inside, he felt restless and cynical. When we explored his values, Daniel discovered he cared deeply about family, honesty, and growth. Yet his life was almost entirely consumed by work — no wonder he felt disconnected.
Through ACT-based exercises, Daniel began to ask: “How could I honor family, honesty, or growth today, even in a small way?” Sometimes that meant leaving the office at 6pm to eat with his children. Other times it meant admitting when he didn’t have all the answers at work. Those small steps didn’t erase stress, but they gave him a new sense of alignment: he was living by his values, not just by external demands.
Values, ACT & Self-Compassion: The Science
ACT and Values
ACT emphasizes psychological flexibility: the ability to open up to thoughts and feelings, stay present, and choose actions that reflect your values. In ACT:
- Values ≠ goals. A goal might be “run a marathon.” A value is “care for my body with respect.” Goals can fail; values can always be lived.
- Values are chosen, not imposed. They come from your heart, not from rules or pressure.
- Values are ongoing. You never “finish” kindness or honesty — you live them, moment by moment.
Meta-analytic evidence indicates ACT is effective across anxiety, depression, and stress; a core mechanism is values-based action (A-Tjak et al., 2015). For foundational theory, see Hayes, Strosahl & Wilson (1999).
Self-Compassion and Values
Self-compassion (Neff, 2003) adds warmth to values work. When you meet yourself kindly, it becomes safer to ask: “What matters to me?” without shame or self-criticism. Many people feel guilty when they start living by values (“Am I selfish for wanting this?”). Self-compassion reframes values as acts of care — for yourself and for others (Neff, 2003 overview).
AI as Support (Prompt Flows)
AI cannot decide your values. But it can offer a structured, kind space to explore them: asking one question at a time, reflecting your words back, and guiding you toward one small action. This is why I designed Talk2Tessa Prompt Flows — psychologist-written scripts that transform AI into a warm, structured companion. For ethics and privacy in digital health, see WHO guidance (2021).
Common Myths About Values — and What’s True
Myth 1: Values are the same as goals.
Truth: Goals are finish lines; values are directions. You may miss a goal, yet still live your value.
Myth 2: My values must stay the same forever.
Truth: Values evolve with life stages — that’s growth, not inconsistency.
Myth 3: Living by values makes life easy.
Truth: Values don’t erase pain; they give you direction with pain.
Myth 4: If I live by my values, I’ll be selfish.
Truth: Values often include care, honesty, connection, contribution — they expand your circle of care.
Practice (Offline): A Brief Values Journaling Exercise
- Pause. Take one slow breath. Feel the contact of your feet with the floor.
- Imagine. It’s your 80th birthday. What would you want loved ones to say about how you lived?
- List. Write down three qualities you’d like to be remembered for (e.g., courage, kindness, creativity).
- Choose. Pick one value to honor this week.
- Act. Decide on a 5-minute step today that reflects this value.
Tip: Small steps compound. Five minutes a day can transform a week.
Quick Prompt for Values (copy-paste)
Short and powerful — perfect as a daily values check-in.
Mini Values Flow — Discovering What Matters (copy-paste)
Prefer a complete guided session? Start with the free 15-minute session: Free Self-Compassion Prompt Flow.
Example Dialogue: From Drift to Direction
Scenario: Feeling lost at work.
You: “I don’t know why I’m working so hard. It feels meaningless.”
AI: “What area feels most important right now — work, relationships, health, growth, or something else?”
You: “Family.”
AI: “Family is a value. What’s one small step today that could honor family?”
You: “Leaving at 6pm to have dinner with my kids.”
AI: “Beautiful. That’s a values-based action — direction, not perfection.”
Micro-Practices for Living by Your Values (Daily)
Daily Values Anchors
- Morning: Write down one value you’ll carry into your day.
- Decision point: Ask, “Which choice honors my value?”
- Evening: Complete: “Today I lived my value of ___ by ___.”
Gentle Reminders
- “Rest is an act of kindness, not laziness.”
- “This choice honors my value of connection.”
- “Even with fear, I can move toward courage.”
Checklist: Practicing Values Today
You don’t need to tick every box. Even one values-based action is progress.
Research Note (Evidence & Ethics)
ACT & values: Values-consistent action is central to psychological flexibility and resilience (Hayes et al., 1999; A-Tjak et al., 2015).
Self-compassion: Linked to lower self-criticism and higher wellbeing (Neff, 2003 overview).
AI in mental health: Use with clear boundaries; AI supports but doesn’t replace human care (WHO, 2021).
A Gentle Closing Thought
Your values are not abstract words on a list. They are living directions, breathing through every small choice. Even when guilt, fear, or doubt whisper loudly, your values remain — steady, patient, ready to guide you. You don’t have to transform everything at once. You only need to choose one small act in line with what matters. That step is enough.
Key Takeaways
- Values are a compass — not goals, but directions.
- ACT helps you notice thoughts/feelings while still moving toward values.
- Self-compassion softens guilt and fear, making it safer to honor values.
- AI Prompt Flows provide structure, reflection, and gentle support.
- Daily micro-practices help you live values in real life.
FAQ: Values, ACT & AI
How do I know what my values are?
Imagine your 80th birthday. What do you want people to remember you for? Those qualities are your values.
Do values change over time?
Yes. Life transitions (parenthood, loss, new roles) can shift what matters — that’s part of growth.
Can AI decide my values?
No. AI can’t decide your values, but it can guide reflection and structure the next step.
What if I feel guilty for living by my values?
That’s common. Self-compassion helps reframe guilt: honoring your needs benefits others too.
How often should I revisit my values?
Weekly is a good rhythm. Even one pause a week makes a difference.
Is ACT evidence-based?
Yes. See A-Tjak et al. (2015) and the ACT text by Hayes et al. (1999).
Explore Next Steps
Want to gently experience this yourself?
Start with the free, psychologist-designed Free Self-Compassion Flow — a 15-minute practice to soften guilt and reconnect with kindness.
Want to practice values in daily communication and boundaries?
Explore the 6-day program Clarity & Confidence — structured flows and journaling to help you speak clearly and live by your values.
Browse the full library at Talk2Tessa.
References
- Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.
- A-Tjak, J. G. L., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J., & Emmelkamp, P. M. G. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 30, 1–13.
- Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. Research overview
- World Health Organization (2021). Ethics and governance of artificial intelligence for health: WHO guidance.
Safety Note: This article is for self-help and education. It is not therapy or medical care. If your struggles feel overwhelming or escalate into hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm, please seek professional support. In emergencies, call your local crisis service immediately.
